Woke up early this morning needing to write this and was amused when my computer informed me that it’s the one year anniversary of JaPoG. It’s been fun, challenging and wellllll…peppered with ‘ah-hah’ moments.
Things I didn’t plan on when starting this innocent little blog:
- The hard work! The research, the writing, the photos…elbow grease required!
- Writer’s block, it’s real and it is NOT my friend.
- Interviewing people, best thing ever and EVERYONE has a thought provoking story, some so inspiring…it hurt.
- That so many people would be interested in what I had to say, shocks me every day and builds me up.
- The accountability to my readers matters to me, truth in my stories became a priority and forced me to look at my life and make changes…
Some teensy changes, like buying more locally sourced food, trying new places to eat, meeting new people and some rather monumental changes…
Like ending my twenty year marriage.
For many months I’ve wrestled with just how much is cool to share on this venue. I genuinely want my blog to reflect the lighter, softer side of life. Unfortunately, it’s not all strawberries and whipped cream, is it? There you have it. My first post to you was about truth. So to be truthful, this past year has been a whole lot of darkness…sprinkled with glorious moments of light.
I know people who have been through much more traumatizing, terrifying and heart wrenching situations, but this is my blog and this was my hell. Most of my writers block has been caused by the fact that, while dealing with overwhelming grief, frustration and worry, I was trying to share stories with a upbeat, positive voice. Hard, actually… impossible to do.
The details of why my husband and I broke up will not be the subject of a post. Primarily because it’s nobody’s damn business, partly because it would be kinda boring and finally because…I am not even sure yet. I had the fairy tale life. Met a great guy in University, he became a successful professional, I stayed home and had babies…lotsa babies. We went on adventures together, created six incredible kids, built a life, created a home…we were indeed a dynamic team. Sadly, while we were so busy patting ourselves on the back about how awesome we were at this whole “life” thing, we forgot about something really important. Ourselves.
Such a cliche’ right? Eventually we realized we had gone our separate ways without knowing it and were not being the best people for each other. It was agonizing to go through the realization that we would probably be better parents apart, than together. Although, we did agree on this, don’t let me fool you into thinking it was easy or a flippant decision. Pretty sure I should have invested in the Kleenex company this year, waterworks central over here. It isn’t fun to end a relationship with a person you actually still love and then go through all these moments where the right words just don’t come. So you end up with long gazes, heavy with things unsaid. Or the horrible alternative; sharp words spat out too soon…ones that if you could turn back time, you would instead swallow.
It’s not over, we have lots of crappy stuff to go through yet, but I know that because we adore our kids and we are both decent human beings, we will work it out and life will go on. Although there is a pile of sadness, there is hope too. A fresh start, a chance to spread my wings a little, try new things, friends that have emerged, more light…less dark. Working through finding yourself again isn’t easy but it feels …refreshing.
I’m not jaded about marriage or romance or true love. Love it up people! That’s what life is about. I will spend more time in my life doing things I cherish, with people I love while facing new challenges. I’ve discovered I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. Writing allowed me to face a lot of things I had been avoiding. I encourage any of you who are working through challenges to write them down, just for yourself.
Sooo that is what’s new around here. Now it’s time for a toast. “Cheers to a fresh year for Just A Pinch! ” More recipes,stories about how crazy life is, interviews with cool people, a new look for the blog (coming soon), a few added business ideas and best of all, more new friends. Thanks so much to you for joining me on my adventures…I have appreciated the company!
“Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.” ~ Maggie Kuhn